Disclaimer: There is A LOT of Bro Science in this article. Also, this post is quite insensitive.
Recently, quite a few of my friends suggested that I try online dating…
First of all, the notion that someone who is single for long periods of time must be unhappy needs to be debunked. Although, that is the case for many, it is not for me and frankly shouldn’t be for anyone. If your happiness depends on your relationship status, I have news for you; you will never truly be happy. Even if you do find prince charming, someone who cannot make themselves happy cannot make someone else happy in the long run. This is why so many relationships fail (Bro Science Alert).
Second, I am appalled at the amount of people who have readily accepted online dating as a better dating alternative. I’m probably the most pessimistic person when it comes to the likelihood of finding the “one”, and I still think nervous chuckles and sweaty palms trumps a notification on your online dating profile, that a match has been found. It is exciting to me to meet someone by chance and have a satchel full of questions pop into your head. Is he looking at me, is he single, does he want children; I hope his belt matches those brown Ferragamos, because if not that is surely a deal breaker.
But, since so many of friends have felt the need to defend online dating here is why it works and why you don’t need it. Yes, you read that correctly.
So why do online dating services work? Well consider this hypothetical. You meet an attractive person at a mutual friend’s birthday party, you talk the night away and at the end of the night you exchange numbers. A month later, they are your significant other. Have you talked to them about where you see your career taking you? What about the number of kids you want to have or when you want to get married. Have you told them that you absolutely despise broccoli and that you avoid confrontation at all cost???
I bet the answer to these questions is most likely no, and this is why online dating “works.” You sit in front of a computer and answer a gazillion questions about your personality, your life goals, and what you find attractive and so from the beginning, whoever writes to you is ok with the things you want out of life. Not rocket science right? Well, what if instead of jumping into relationships after 3 dates and a few glasses of wine you instead held off for a bit? I’m not saying that you should bring up marriage on the first date for that is surely a recipe for your date to run away and classify you as a stage 5 clinger. What I’m saying is that before you make it Facebook official be honest. Everyone has life goals and if yours are not compatible with that cutie you’ve been dating, starting the relationship with hopes of changing their mind will almost always not lead to happily ever after.
This brings me to my next point. People need to stop believing in fairytales. You are more than likely not going to change anyone’s mind about marriage or kids. Time and time again I hear of women in their late 20’s cry about how they invested x amount of years into a relationship and the guy still hasn’t popped the question. This goes for guys as well, if someone tells you that they do not wish to get married ever this is not a challenge! Move on to the next or prepare to be 35 and still nowhere near that engagement that you so long for.
Then there’s the notion that a bar is not the ideal place to meet someone worthwhile and online dating provides for a better atmosphere for meeting people. You’re right! But if you equate your life to how the algorithms that find your match work then you have an answer as to how to duplicate those same results. Get out of the bar!
If you live in a small town where all there is to do is pound beers at a neighborhood hole in the wall then I’m sorry, maybe you should try online dating. But if you don’t then there is no excuse. If you never venture out of the bar into Salsa dancing classes, professional networking events, concerts etc. you are never going to find someone who isn’t buying you drinks/accepting your drinks with hopes of taking you home and smang that! The amount of possible suitors that I’ve connected with by doing service, attending networking events, and simply enjoying the many activities that your city has to offer is incredible. Meanwhile you can acquire some culture and conversational skills that can make you more successful in future encounters!
So dear friends who have recommended I try online dating: NO. I will stick to my honesty policy, for as pessimistic as I am about love, I still prefer the sweaty palms chance encounters and I have enough faith in my social ability to not have to hide behind a computer screen until Mr. Right Now decides he can live a life without broccoli.