On August 6th, 2013 my undergrad career came to an abrupt end. Before I walked across the stage to receive my fake diploma, I was giving up my student ID card and realizing I could no longer use FIU’s gym for free. Hurray! I survived Economics and can now draw monopoly profits and game theory outcomes with my eyes closed. But my heart is heavy and my soul wishes to dance.
Ironically enough, it is now that I’m asking the question “What now.” For the longest time I’ve had a 40 year plan. I would become a foreign service officer, avoid having a family for a while so I could save enough to retire at 45; then open up my Mom & Pops diner and live out the rest of my days making music and having sleepovers in the co-owned castle that my wolf pack and I plan on purchasing.
I’d like to thank the academy….
My biggest accomplishment has always been projecting that I have it all figured out.
I shared my plan often; mostly so that I was held accountable for that plan. Not a day goes by that a co-worker or a member of my Fraternity asks me about my progress with this elaborate plan. I talk about everything I’m memorizing; like all the countries the U.S. has free trade agreements with, or the outcomes of every military conflict in U.S. History.
But, while I study for the Foreign Service Exam and the GRE, for the first time in my life, I AM UNSURE. I’ve been working on everything creative that I put on hold 5 years ago. Blogging, makeup, sowing and most importantly music seem much more desirable now. I find myself debating whether I should learn 100 more GRE words or record another cover from my iPhone only to hate it later because you can hear my dog and my ac unit in the background. So what now?
I guess I’m having trouble reconciling my very diverse interests. I can be a great Economist. I know that and love it. But what if I also wanted to perform on my free time. Is there such a thing as a Foreign Service Officer with free time or a YouTube account without compromising the integrity of their work? Can I continue to do makeup for weddings and music videos and still save the world from hunger from 9-5pm? Can I still go to Bonnaroo or will I be caste as a drugged hippie who couldn’t possibly represent the U.S. in international affairs? Am I Veronica Torres or have I gone too deep into my creative persona Vee Towers?
It’s an interesting feeling I’m having; this feeling of uncertainty because well, I’m Vee Towers and I’ve always known where I wanted to take my life; and yet sometimes I hope that I fail the foreign service exam and settle for the big girl paycheck instead of the adventurer dream.
So What Now? I’m unsure but I felt the need to write this so I have something to compare my life to exactly one year from now. You should too; because there is nothing wrong with being unsure about your life but it’s important to keep on moving. Stagnation is not a good look for anyone.
Vee Fires 
The, “what do I do now” plagued me, too. Just gotta take it day by day and push you talents and experience further. I left my soundcloud just to tempt you more into the bottomless pit of music lol
You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take that next step. You’ll figure it out sooner or later and not knowing right away is ok. Life is all about discovering yourself and you’ll find out if you haven’t that what was important to you at one time is no longer important.
Awesome! Yes, it’s definitely more than okay to feel unsure. Take it easyyyyy! Take inspired action, you know, that gut feeling and the little voice in your head that says “Do it!” You’re smart and talented! Go you!
Vee,
I love this and I totally know what you’re experiencing! Very good idea to create this time capsule at such a crossroads in your life.
All I know is that you’re a very smart and determined woman and, whatever you decide, I’m sure you will pull it off beautifully.
As Meatloaf sings, “A wasted youth is better by far, than a wise and productive old age.”
What a pleasure to find someone who idtfeinies the issues so clearly